MY PANADA PAGE!!!!!!!

Hello you have found my panda page on the World Wide Web!!! As everyone who knows me knows that I love pandas, and so I decided to make my panda page an internet phenomenolm! I hope you enjoy your stay, oh and leanr about pandas to of course!!!! ;)

UPDATE
Panda Poll! Now that I have my own panda page on the www I have determined to be the best site on the internet! Will you help me with my offiacil poll? we are definitly the best site, certianly better than the JERK at pandafriend.com

Also new is if you have the question for me please email at derekilovepandasderek@yahoo.com!!!
PANDA FACTS
When you love pandas as much as me you collect panda facts like plush panda toys collect hugs! below is my entire collection that I have collected from books and zoos and the bible. Many of these facts you WONT find on wikipedia because wikipedia is full of poachers who delete my submissions!!!! "factually incaccurate" is poacher slang for we want tto kill pandas and dont care about the facts!

A panda's scientific name is Ailuropoda melanoleuca.

Panda's weren't seen by Europeans until 1869. Before then only the Chinese emperor and his closest advisors knew of their existence. The chinese god Confusicous suspected that they existed, and he sadly wasted his life trying unsuccesfuly to find one

The first living panda to be brought out of China, Su-Lin, was in 1936. Su-Lin came to America and worked on the railroads. LOL JK he was put in a zoo.

Pandas primary food is bamboo, but since their digestive systems can absorb only a little of the nutrition, they have to eat over 30 pounds a day. To give you an idea of how much this is, try and imagine 30 pounds of your favorite food. Now imagine that you have to eat that much of it everyday. Now imagine that instead of your favorite food, it's bamboo that you have to eat. Now imagine you're a panda. That's just a small glimpse into the hell that pandas live through everyday.

Pandas spend 16-24 hours a day eating and 0-8 hours a day resting. Sounds like my mom LOL JK I love you mom!!!!!!!

Scientists proved in 1984 that baby panda bears are even more adorable than koala bears, making them the most adorable bears in the world! And maybe even the universe!

Pandas eat sitting up and have a sixth finger on their front paws that they use as a thumb for holding food. My teacher taught us that humans and monkeys are the only amimals with thumbs but I guess she's just an idiot!

Adult pandas are 5-6 feet long and weigh 165-242 pounds (that is 2 to 3 meters long and 100-500 kilograms for those of you who are mooslim!).

The largest panda that ever lived was born sometime in 13000 BC and was 40 miles long! Although there has been no fossil evidence of this panda found, it is written about in the Bible!!!

The smallest panda ever found was born in the Chengdu zoo in 1993 and was only 4 inches long. Can you imagine a panda only 4 inches long! It would be like an adorable black and white hamster! It was small because it was born prematurely and could not breathe and lived less than 6 minutes.

Pandas only natural enemy are sharks and humans called "poachers". A poacher is a type of terrorist who kills animals instead of people. Poacher's hate everything pandas stand for and so they kill them because they hate freedom and also to eat their delicious panda meat.

There are fewer than 1000 pandas left in the world - only 16 of these are outside China. Compare that with the 5 billion humans left in the world! This is good news if there is ever a war with the pandas but bad news if you love pandas (like me and you!!!!!). So if you know someone who is a panda poacher please call the poacher hotline at 9-1-1.

An ancient Chinese legend says that if you devour the heart of a panda, you will gain immortality. This was proven untrue by scientists at the Beijing Institute of Technology and Medicine in 1998. However, another Chinese legend says you must devour the heart of TEN pandas in order to gain immortality. No one knows whether this legend is true... yet!

Most of your freinds are probably human, but all of my freinds are pandas! This is because I love pandas more then anyone!!!

More facts coming soon!

pandas are best

no more facts

PANDA JOKES
Now that I have made you think with the panda facts, it is time to make you laugh with these panda jokes!

Q: What do chinese bears eat for breakfast?
A: Panda-cakes (pancakes)!

Q: What's a Chinese bear's favorite expendable organ?
A: The panda-creas (pancreas)!

Q: What's the best camera setting to photograph pandas?
A: Pandaramic (panaramic)!

Q: what do chinese bears wear around their face when they're robbing banks?
A: Pandana!!

Q: What did the fashionable french panda wear to the dinner?
A: Pandaloons!

Q: What's a chinese bear's favorite airline?
A: Panda-merican!! (Note: This airline has been discontinued)

Q: What's a chinese bears favorite performing art?
A: Pandamime (pantamime)!

Q: What is a chinese bear's favorite canal in Panama?
A: The Pandama canel!

Q: What did the panda eat for dinner?
A: Eats Shoots and Leaves.

Q: How did the panda who misplaced his dinner feel?
A: He was "Bamboozled"!

Q: what did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
A: this is un-BEAR-able
but this joke has some seriousness to it. panda jokes are not all just fun and games. You can laugh at panda jokes, but think about pandas and their situation too

HOW CAN I HELP PANDAS
Well now that we have had a good laugh at panda riddles its time to decide to help pandas! Many people have asked of me "I'm just a citizen, I can't help pandas can I?" Well the answer is YES of course you can! Just because those idiots at pandafriend.com dont know how to help doesn't mean I don't know! Below are the ways you can help pandas, make sure you do all of the optiosn below you can save 1 panda per option!!!

THIS SHOUDL BE NUMBER ONE NOT 2 BUT THIS WEBPAGE IS BROKEN Number one thing you can do is if you see a panda in danger help it! Always be on the lookout for pandas, even if you live in an area with decreased panda activity it is always possible that a panda might be lost and need your help! Here is an example of being a hero to pandas: i used to be on the baseball team after school but the other kids always made fun of me so I quit and now I just look for pandas by myself after school! i am a hero because i try everyday to help pandas!
Write the chinese embassy and tell them to stop killing pandas and eating pandas! Most of the worlds pandas are in China but unfortuntely I cant tell them about pandas because they can't even understand english!!!!! But I think that at the USA embassy they can speak english so it is our best chance to tell them about pandas and there situation! Please print out my webpage and send it to them! If you don't have a printer you can copy down my website on paper with a pencil (but dont use pen because you can't erase if you make a mistake). Send the webpage to the following address::: Chinese Embassy Chancery
RE: SAVE THE PANDAS
3505 International Place, N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20008
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
MORE COMING SOON
if your local zoo has pandas, make sure to visit and try and feed them if they look hungry! If your zoo doesn't have pandas then don't bother going because it wont help pandas at all. I live in seattle and our zoo only has red pandas which arent pandas at all and are really stupid
Everyone hates obuma lately because he hasn't done anything to help panda bears! Maybe a letter will change its mind lets give it a try! PRESIDENT BARACK OBUMA
RE: EMERGENCY FOR PANDAS
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Please include your email for a reply back!!!!
if you dont live in america then there is nothing you can do to help pandas

WELL THATS ALL FOR MY PANDA PAGE!!! I hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something along the way ;) Cya next time!
Oh yeah and make sure to send me emails if you have a questions or you just want to talk about pandas or if you want to be friends! I have the email at derekilovepandasderek@yahoo.com!!!

ha ha yah right